When do we cut ties with trauma, folks? I mean, when do the pep talks stop and when does the real healing begin? Can we even claim that we have been healed from something without judgement?
So many of us, myself included, either are or have been so accustomed to trauma and those feel-good stints in recovery from trauma, that we have no idea how to face real healing when it knocks on our door. And even if we are sure we have moved on, unfortunately there are those that hold us hostage. There is a sense of deep-rooted loss that occurs when we are asked to let go and on a codependent level, some don’t want to let you let go, whether they are even aware of this or not. It is so subtle, yet cunning, and can hold us back longer than the time that is needed for it to show us some truth.
We were meant to face it, not lie in bed with it.
There is a loss in identity, because let’s face it, we’ve all been through and grown up with some sort of trauma in our lives that has shaped who we’ve become today. If not addressed, it unfortunately can burrow itself deeply within our core and, later in life, manifest as mental health issues, addictions, maladaptive behaviors and codpendency.
In the worst case scenario, we never move on and we end up recycling experiences.
This isn’t where we were intended to be. And I see this cycle within so many patients in hospital settings, rehabs and recovery, including myself. I am just beginning to see it on the outside. We are literally addicted to the cycle and we tend to return to these spaces as if we were caught up in a revolving door because, well, it feels safe. And it is abuse, in a sense, however unaware of it we may be.
We become dependent, forgetting the power we have in overcoming most anything.
For me, it is about a very present and conscious awareness. Sometimes, I have to be mindful every minute, sometimes I can run on auto pilot. But it takes some getting used to, regardless. It isn’t something we are used to doing much of our days with constant distractions and people shouting out advice and expectations at us from all directions.
Always remember, it speaks much more about their own state than your own.
If you have done the work and put in the time, claim it. Don’t back down and admit you’re broken.
We are not broken. We are human. We live, we breathe, we fall, we wallow in mud and we shake it off until we have the strength to wash it off for good. Then we dry and we … move on.
Trees move on. And lovers scar them all the time.
The tree next to it never judges its timing.